" . . . and now, reality show jerk . . . . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1:
Dave takes another of his insta-polls during the monologue. If the election were held tomorrow, how many would vote for Obama? And how many would vote for McCain. By a slight margin, tonight's winner is McCain, though by the sound of the response, it sounded as if the audience wanted more choices.

At the desk, an "Odd Dave" moment as he recreates a day in Beijing. Lots of coughing and hacking.

In honor of the Olympics in Beijing, we decided to debut a brand new segment entitled, "China: Did You Know?"
Announce:

"The Great Wall of China, stretching over approximately 4,000 miles, attracts over 10 million visitors a year.
But did you know that each year, an additional 14 million visitors stop by another famous Chinese landmark erected during the Qing Dynasty in 1688 and know for its architectural grandeur and historical significance: The Great Door of China." We see a photo of a giant door at the top of a mountain in China.
"This has been 'China: Did You Know?"

It's time for Late Show Tips for Green Living with Chris and Gerry.
Hey, turn off some lights! Just make sure you're not alone with Chris Elliott when you do so. After the duo turn off the lights in the office, the room goes completely black. We hear a squealing frightened Chris. When Mulligan turns the lights back on, we see a near-naked Chris shivering in fear in the arms of Gerard.

Great Moments in Presidential Speeches. We see the President on stage in a sit-down with a woman. He asks if she has any children. The woman proudly says she is the mother of 2 and is expecting her third baby in April. The President then says, "Georgia." He must have heard something the rest of us didn't, or he was running a dialogue in his head not shared with the rest of us. He soon snaps back to reality and asks if she will be naming her third child "Georgia."

ACT 2:
BIFF HENDERSON HANGS WITH OLYMPIC HOPEFULS - In April, Biff traveled to the 2008 U.S. Olympic Media Summit in Chicago, Illinois to get to know some of the United States Olympic hopefuls. I tried to jot down the athletes Biff met. Weightlifter Casey Burgener - with no weights at the hotel, Biff had Casey lift other items.
Beach Volleyball player, Misty May Treanor - Biff enjoys some clips of Misty May from the 2004 Summer Olympics. Oh, yeahhhhhh."
Ivan Lee: explains the fine art of fencing. Hopefully, Ivan's riposte is as quick and accurate as his explanation.
Steven Lopez: performs a Tae Kwon Do kick inches from Biff's head. Biff could have qualified for the 100 meter dash by the way he scampered.
A badminton trio - my favorite sport. I'm not kidding. There is nothing better than competitive badminton. Great workout and anyone can play.
Allyson Felix - track and field
Soccer players
Boxing: Biff says to one of the boxers, "Taking one look at me, what sport do you think I'm good at?" Without missing a beat, the boxer says, "Bowling." OUCH!

Funny piece. Good luck to all the athletes.

ACT 3:
PENELOPE CRUZ
She's in the new Woody Allen movie, "Vicky Cristina Barcelona." It opens August 15th. Dave says 'Barcelona' as if with a lisp, "Barthelona." There were giggles from the audience and Paul questioned him on it. Dave was happy with his own pronunciation of "Barthelona" and Paul simply sighed and said, "It's your show." And then later when Penelope came out, lo and behold, in Spain it is pronounced "Barthelona." How about that? To avoid fights, though, I think I'll stick with 'Barcelona.'
It's been a busy summer for Penelope; traveling to promote this film and busy shooting another film in Madrid. Penelope makes her home in Spain and Dave asks about the Running of the Bulls in Pamplona. She doesn't like it much, but some of her family members have taken part in the custom. She'd wake up worried the day of the run, fearing the worst. Dave says we have a similar custom here in America, right here in New York. (Did you see it coming?) We show a clip of New York's Running of the Cabs. It's one of our most used recurring clips.

Penelope is very proud of her home country and enjoys showing off her land to friends visiting from America. One vegetarian friend wasn't too happy with the vegetarian meals she was served because it always came with ham. I guess their ham is our fish.
In her new film, "Vicky Cristina Barcelona,' Penelope has a kissing scene with Scarlett Johansen. They were both pretty nervous going into the scene and wanted direction from director Woody Allen. On the day of the shoot, Mr. Allen was more concerned with a "stain" he found on the back of his hand. There was never a discussion of how to do the scene. Before they got to do the kissing scene, Woody halted production to get his hand checked out by a doctor. When he got back, he sadly said, "Unfortunately, it was nothing." Dave suspected it was a ploy by the famed director to keep the scene clean without his interference and let the actors involved let it go where it may.
Penelope says she heard some things about Woody Allen before she met him. She heard his meetings could be very short. When it was time to meet him for the first time, Penelope was expecting a short meeting of maybe 20 minutes. Turned out, the meeting lasted about 40 seconds. That's it. Dave glows, "The man truly is a genius. Anyone who can get out of a meeting is a genius!"
"Vicky Christina Barcelona" - it opens August 15th.

ACT 5:
Announce: "Hey, America, The Tony Mendez Show is back with an all-new episode! Tune in and watch the excitement as Tony wins an award! Satisfy your comedy craving at www.cbs.com/lateshow
We'll be right back."

And don't forget the Wahoo Gazette . . . . still 5 days a week. The guy who writes it gets paid by the hit and he really needs the money . . . two kids . . . college in their future . . . weddings . . . . . oy vey.

ACT 6:
DANNY WAY: professional skateboarder and X-Games 14 Athlete of the Year! The hobbled skateboarder makes his way in on a skateboard and crutches. Danny is the creator of the MegaRamp seen in all the X-Games. How did Danny come up with it? Danny says it was an evolution of a decade of tinkering. When I heard about the MegaRamp, I expected to see a really big ramp. But when I saw it, YIPES! The thing is HUGE. Last week in the X-Games, Danny took a terrible tumble on his ramp. We take a look at the crash. He laid there awhile and was then taken back to a recovery room by the paramedics. He was told he was done for the day. They wanted to take Danny to the hospital but Danny had some unfinished business to take care of. Against the advice of the medics, Danny went back to the MegaRamp and earned himself a silver medal. We see a clip of the stupid-scary jump. I agree with Dave; that's stuff is crazy.
And what has the doctor said about his injury? Well, Danny's been too busy since the X-Games to actually see the doctor.
We see more clips of Danny's jumps, one more impressive than the next. Will skateboarding eventually make it to become an Olympic event? Danny feels skateboarding already has its Olympics in the X-Games. He's afraid if it is accepted by the Olympics, too many hands will get involved and cheapen its purity. He'd rather keep skateboarding in the hands of skateboarders.

ACT 7:
RANDY NEWMAN: Performing with the piano hood down, from his new CD "Harps and Angels," Randy Newman performed "Easy Street."

And that was our show for Wednesday, August 6, 2008.



Larry King is getting a divorce. His wife explains her reason: "I thought he'd be dead by now."

There's a lot of concern over air pollution in Beijing. Today the Chinese government took some bold steps to address the problem. They tortured some dissidents.

Here's something I don't get; Mao Zedong could make 70 million people disappear but he could never get rid of that wart on his chin.

Here's something I like to do. In conversation, somehow mention that the president of China is President Hu. See how long it takes for someone to say "Who?" and then notice how proud they are of their quick wit.

Dang it! Another idea I had years ago and it's finally made it to the mainstream. Years ago . .. 20 years ago, perhaps . . . the city was in need of money and Mayor Dinkins invited people to come to City Hall to offer suggestions on how the city can save and/or make money. My idea was to "sell" subway platforms to be businesses. You've seen how highways will have signs touting, "The next 5 miles cared for by Bill's Appliances" or something like that. My idea was to have a subway platform stop sponsored by, say, McDonald's. They would get all the advertising at that stop and let it be known as the 86th and Broadway McDonalds stop. They can even paint the polls McDonald colors. This was my idea 20 years ago, but I was laid up at the time and couldn't get myself down to City Hall. And then this morning I hear on the radio something about corporate sponsorship of subway stations. Ta da. I hate the idea but it can help make the city money, now that they are getting less tax money from cigarette sales.

I was watching the beginning of Jailhouse Rock the other night starring Elvis Presley. In the first ten minutes, we see Elvis sitting at a bar. A woman looking for a drink sits next to Elvis and says something that embarrasses the bashful Elvis. The bashful smile . . . . . I've seen that before . . . . Derek Jeter! The look of his smile and eyes reminded me of Derek Jeter.
Then I took a cold shower.

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From Nova High School in Davie, Florida, it's Linda Walters
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com